Playing the Game Thunderball!


Get pumped for...THUNDERBALL.

Thunderball is a mutated, upbeat version of baseball which has been in development in Florida ever since the baseball strike of 1994. Thunderball is both an improvement on baseball and a new sport to lead us into a new century. Long considered a "fringe sport," Thunderball is now ready to share the baseball fields currently occupied by the greedy traditionalists. Following the successful additions of basketball's three point line and shot clock and football's two point conversion and helmet-cams, it is obvious that baseball's overhaul is long overdue. The following is a partial list of rules and elements which Thunderball will add to reinvigorate the dying green diamond.

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1. Bring the walls in closer to allow for more homeruns. Make homeruns worth two points.

2. Have a five foot drop off between the infield and outfield. In other words, the outfield is five feet lower than the infield.

3. Instead of one ball, there are three balls, in constant motion.

4. Nine multi-shaped targets with varying point values are placed throughout the infield. A baserunner can attempt to throw his bat at these targets as he rounds the bases.

5. Defenders are allowed to tackle the runners as they round the bases; however, the runner is allowed to keep his bat. [Thunderball players are equiped with full pads and a helmet.]

6. The batter may choose to take six strikes instead of three, but this allows the pitcher one free throw at the batter. A hit by such a throw does not count as a free walk.

7. Honeys and Hounds. Cheerleaders and dogs are allowed to roam the field freely and affect play as they wish. During the seventh inning, however, players are allowed to tackle the Honeys as they please, for bonus strikes.

8. Team mascots will alternate innings driving a Honda Accord anywhere on the field except for the pitcher's mound, the batters box, and the dugout. Players can use this car as part of their offensive or defensive strategies.
*The Designated Driver rule of the Western Conference modifies this so that rather than an Accord, a Cheverlet is used, driven by a neutral party not affiliated with either team.

some rules under consideration:

(a) the Gun Circle - a loaded hand gun is placed within a clearly marked circle to be placed ten yards behind second base. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES IS THE GUN TO BE TOUCHED AT ANY POINT DURING THE GAME.

"We'd rather have a gun in the outfield, than under a mattress where a child could get to it."
-Joe Auxillary, UCB Director of Health Services

(b) each team's pitcher is allowed to throw three ceramic baseballs a game when he so chooses.


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