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Magicland Park
"The One Place Where Bad Things Never Happen"

Want your next family vacation to be magic? Then make plans to visit Magicland Park! Here are just a few of the enchanted attractions we've added this season:

Chipper Chicken's Loopy Labyrinth
This giant hen house is a-maze-ing! The walls are mirrors and the lights never stay on for long, so you'll need to put on your thinking cap if you want to find your way out. Chipper Chicken is somewhere inside the maze -- he'll point you in the right direction if you can find him. Or will he? It's all part of the fun in the Loopy Labyrinth!
Hours: 8 a.m. to 8 p.m.
The doors of the Loopy Labyrinth close promptly at 8 p.m. and remain closed until morning – no exceptions. Please plan accordingly.)

Hot Diggity Dawg's Astro-not Camp
Now children can experience the fun of astronaut training without the stigma of actually entering the space program. Hot Diggity Dawg has stolen NASA's blueprints...and kid-sized ‘em! We've got all the great astronaut rides, from jetpacks to the waterless vacuum urinal. Get ready to blast off at Magicland Park!
Choking on your own vomit in the centrifuge rocket-chair is strictly prohibited.

Dapper Dolphin's Underwater Casino
You don't have to be potty trained to shoot crap at Magicland Park! The casino at the bottom of Lake Presto is just for kids – and completely legal. Dapper Dolphin and his magic team of lawyers recently declared the lake "international waters" and lowered the gambling age to three. Give Junior a twenty and let him loose!
As with any respectable casino, patrons will be detained until they pay their debts.

The Arena of American Presidents
Who says that learning history can't be fun? The Arena of American Presidents features an audioanamatronic gauntlet of our nation's toughest chief executives. Your kids will squeal with delight as they try to run, crawl, and kick their way past the robotic presidents. Avoid the lanky Lincoln! Escape the titanic Taft! Elude the bitter post-polio FDR!
Magicland Park is not liable for any bodily injury inflicted by the Presidents.

And don't forget to bring your child Trick-or-Treating at Magicland Park this Halloween. Why take the risks of going to strangers' houses? For fifteen years, Magicland has provided a safe and fun Halloween alternative. This year's celebration is sponsored by Thompson Pharmaceuticals, and free samples will be distributed with the candy.

Come to Magicland, and make your next vacation magic!

Upright Citizens Brigade